Crap. I missed a day. Maybe two.
Lately I’ve been thinking back to a time when my life was less stressful, hell, to a time when I had no stress at all. You might think that was pre-children and though my life was stress free then it was also stress free for a good portion of my children’s lives. Sure when they were infants I felt as if I was going to fall asleep on my feet but I never recall the soul crushing, chest tightening feeling of the stress that seems to visit me every day.
99% of that stress come from people touching my things. This is an hourly occurrence that I just can’t seem to put an end to. Sometimes it’s relatively harmless say when my eye glasses have been moved to a “safe” spot and the stress is just from me being a slight control freak. Other times the stress comes from makeup brushes being used for poster painting when I’ve got 10 minutes to get ready for a party or someone wearing my clothes because their’s are not clean or people just doing weird stuff like making scotch-tape grids on my carpet while I’m asleep or using my tweezers to perform surgery on a remote control.
I suppose in part I am to blame for the weird shit. I’ve always cultivated my kids creativity AND independence and now that they’re well into their teens that means messes and predicaments like you wouldn’t believe. Most causing my blood pressure to rise to a level that I can actually feel my head expanding like a cartoon version of a thermometer on a summer day.
I bet you’re thinking that I’m going to say “But I wouldn’t change a thing!” but you’re dead wrong. OH to be able to go back in time and #1 install one of those huge walk in safes so I can put ALL my stuff safely inside #2 invest in locks lots of locks
I received flowers today.
A dozen roses to be exact and a box of chocolates.
I think the last time I received both was in the 80s.
I know damn well who sent them to me and I adore him for it.
I’m not saying who it is because that’s really none of anyone’s business.
There seems to be many people, excluding my children, who think I “deserve” these flowers and I can’t say whether I do or not but what I can say is that they made me smile in more ways than one.
I did however eat all the chocolates and now my stomach is very upset.
THAT was worth it.
I’m having a bad day.
I’m sure from the outside it looks like today is “full of win” for me; I accomplished my burpee goal, my classes were successful…I have my health…yada yada yada.
In truth today was filled with doubt, sorrow, loneliness and fear.
Sure, I made a kick ass pot roast but I ate it alone, while wearing an old bathrobe and fuzzy slippers.
Today’s the type of day were I’m a few felines short of being a crazy cat women.
I even took a big leap and registered myself on a dating website but when I did a search for a match there was not one NOT ONE match they could fine for me.
It’s the kind of day where no matter what you’ve accomplished in the past it’s just not enough.
The type of day where you feel you could paint yourself blue, set your hair on fire and run down main street and no one would blink an eye.
Tomorrow will be better, I’ll just keep telling myself that
For now I’ll eat some chocolate, drink some wine and hop into the shower…crap I just remembered I have to clean the tub first.
And so it goes.
For the past 9 days I’ve been doing a “Burpee Challenge”.
For those of you unfamiliar with the term burpee it’s basically an old school squat thrust and my challenge is to work up to 100 burpees in one day.
Now, I’m a fitness instructor this challenge really isn’t much of a challenge for me; I probably do 100 burpees in one of my boot camp classes HOWEVER they’re usually spaced out over a 30 minute period not the 5 minutes I’ve allotted myself.
But it’s still not that physically challenging to me.
The real challenge is sticking to this and remembering to do the amount of burpees I’m supposed to do each day, see I have a follow-through problem.
I’m not lazy or unambitious I just have awful ADHD and all the symptoms that go with it.
This challenge is about follow-through, it’s about focus and I’ve been doing OK so far.
I have to employ techniques others might not have to use when completing tasks like setting an alarm each day reminding me to do the burpees and making sure to set it so I’d be in an area where I could perform the challenge because if I didn’t do it right there and then I’d forget about them.
I’ve been annoying people on social media about the challenge hoping that someone would say “Hey, did you do your burpees today?” so far no takers but that’s cool it just means that I’ve done this on my own and I pretty proud of it.
I’m not looking for accolades, in fact they usually make me feel terribly uncomfortable. I’m doing this to prove to myself that I have the power to complete tasks I just need to figure out ways to stay ON task.
Oh and FYI I’ve also set and alarm reminding me to blog every day.
It’s National Sandwich Day and like many human beings on the face of this planet, I love a sandwich.
It doesn’t even have to be a good sandwich just some stuff stuck between two slices of bread or in some cases waffles or pancakes. (Yes, I’ve made pancake sandwiches. You’ve not lived until you’ve had ham and cheese on pancakes)
I love humble sandwiches like PBJs or elaborate panini comprised of delicious foreign sounding meats and those condiments that no one buys from the local Italian Deli, you know the ones with the duty jar lids. I am an open-minded sandwich lover and I consider hamburgers and wraps to be sandwiches. I know there are some snobs out there who wouldn’t THINK of a wrap as a sandwich but I beg you not to be a sandwich bigot!
I love the “name” sandwiches like The Ruben, The Monte Cristo, The Patty Melt and some combinations I just made myself like roast beef and swiss on rye or tuna salad with swiss on rye (sensing a theme?) OR the “Big Mess” as I like to call it; Turkey, swiss, coleslaw on rye bread with Russian Dressing. I’m not a huge fan of TOASTING my bread however spread some butter on that and grill it and I’m your’s forever!
However THE best sandwich in the world, one that can not compare to ANY OTHER sandwich anywhere in the world is the one I don’t have to make myself!
For those of you who don’t know me well; I live a very unconventional life. One thing that is unconventional is that I work evenings and that means as my kids arrive home from school and work I am heading out the door to my job. We’ve not sat down to a dinner together in ages.
I saw that! Many of your eyes twitched and you grabbed your heart! “Oh my! WE have dinner together every night! How else is one to keep the family together?! When do you sit down and discuss your day?!” Dude, people…parents have been working evening and night shifts forever and it has not crumbled the structure of The Family. Same goes for parents working on holidays and weekends. Not everyone in this society has a 9-5 m-f job. It’s possible to raise happy and healthy kids without sitting down to dinner each night. OK sorry, I got all uppity. Where was I?
Right, I’m not around when my kids eat dinner. This results in “Flatware Shrinkage”. I’ve lost more flatware over the past 18 years than most collage cafeterias. I don’t know where it goes. No, strike that, most of it goes in the trash and much of it lands between the sofa cushions because when you sit on the sofa to eat it’s just too far to walk to the kitchen to deposit the fork in the sink (It’s always forks. OK not always forks but it goes in cycles TODAY it’s forks) so we just shove it down the back of the sofa.
I currently have 3 forks that I try to guard with my life. If I am home when they are eating a snack or another meal I will grab the utensil from their little claws as soon as they’re done eating…ok maybe sooner than that…and I will wash it and put it away. *snort* OK let’s be honest. I may not wash it and put it away but I do put it in the sink and that’s where this story REALLY begins; one night ALL the forks were in the sink.
All the forks, and coincidentally all the spoons, cooking utensils, pots, pans and at least half of the plates were in the sink. In other words there was a sink full of dishes. Now you would THINK if one was going to eat say frozen waffles for dinner one would take the time to wash a fork, right? I mean you’ve gone through the trouble of removing the frozen waffles from the freezer, toasting them, putting them on a plate and “dressing’ them appropriately you’d think one would want to quickly rinse off a fork.
Not my kids. Nope. She used a lobster fork. To eat waffles. Do you know how long that must have taken?
And that’s a conundrum for me because do I scold her for her laziness? Sure she didn’t want to take the time to wash a fork but the perseverance one must posses to eat an Eggo with a lobster fork IS admirable as is the ingenuity one must have to even think of using a lobster fork.
I’m never sure if I’m raising exceptionally lazy humans or super geniuses. Either way it’s kind of scary.
It’s National Novel Writing Month.
The goal of NaNoWriMo is to write a 50,000 word novel by November 30th.
There’s a website with support and everything and though I LOVE putting my thoughts into words the idea of plot and character development puts me to sleep.
I want to write about something, get everything I need to say out and then move on.
As I typed that I just realized the implications that statement has on my life. Yikes, am I a commitment-phobe? I’m a novel-phobe for sure but maybe I do have trouble committing. Or maybe my attention span is just too short. I do get bored easily. I just remembered I have to clean hot dog sauce off the upholstery in my car. I wonder if I can wear my Wonder Woman boots to a party that doesn’t involve costumes.
See, that is why I can’t write a novel. Too many thoughts going on at once.
So a blog a day, an idea a day THAT I can stick to and thanks to some support and camaraderie from my blogger friends I’m sure I will.
And it should be fun.