5 Minute Personality Test

This is apparently a Japanese psychology “game”. I’m pretty certain I won.

 

You are walking alone in the desert and you come across a cube.

I’m in the desert? I hope I have enough sunscreen on and why am I alone? I’d never walk alone in a strange place.

How big is the cube?

It’s a cube…so cube size? Isn’t a cube little, like an ice cube?

What color is the cube?

I don’t know, black?

How does that color make you feel?        

How does black make me feel? I don’t know it’s a color.

Can you see inside of the cube?

I just told you it’s black.        

How big is the cube compared to the desert?

It’s a desert, it’s fucking big.

You see a ladder.

Why is there just a random ladder in the desert? Who’s climbing what?

Is the ladder leaning on the cube?

No, duh the cube is small!

What color is the ladder?

I suppose if I say “ladder color” that makes me a wise ass but it’s ladder colored like metal.

What’s the distance between the ladder and the cube?                   

The ladder is lying next to the cube because we’re in the middle of a desert.

You see a horse.         

Just a random horse lost in the desert? Ok.

What’s the distance between the horse and the cube?

Ummm…like a foot? The horse is probably trying to figure out why there is a cube in the desert.

What color is the horse?

Brown.                              

Is the horse tied up or roaming freely?

Well it’s wearing a bridal so it’s standing still…what do they call that when you drop the reins of the horse but it stays where it is? Like on Bonanza.

Is the horse wearing a saddle?

Funny, I don’t see a saddle but it’s got a bridal and reins.

There is a storm.           

Of course there is a storm. I visit the desert and it’s going to rain.

What’s the distance between the storm and the cube?

The fuck do I know? The storm is in the distance but it’s rolling in fast.

Is the size of the storm big or small?       

Big. Might as well be big.         

Is the storm passing by or staying in place?

The fucker is coming up fast!

Is the storm violent thunder and lightning or calm and light rain?

Doesn’t a “storm” mean lighting and shit?

You see a flower?

In the desert?

Where is the flower? What’s next to it?

I guess the flower is on a cactus so…a cactus?

What color is the flower?

I don’t know what color are cactus flowers? Yellow?

Meanings:

Cube:The cube represents you and how you see yourself in the world.If the cube is transparent that means people can see right through you. Guess I’m not transparent, but I’m not certain if that’s good or not. The material the cube is made of represents feelings, and how tough of a front you put up. Wait, did you ask me what the cube was made of? The size of the cube compared to the desert represents your ego.If the cube is large in comparison to the desert you think highly of yourself. Small ego, ok I guess that’s good.

Ladder:The ladder represents your friends. LOL and I was wondering what the fuck a ladder was doing in the desert. If the ladder is leaning on the cube, your friends tend to lean on you for support.The distance between the cube and the ladder shows how close you are to your friends. ok we’re close but not too close, I can deal.

Horse:The horse represents you lover or ideal lover. HAHAHAHA!!! The distance between the horse and the cube represents the closeness you have with your current lover. Again I must LOL If the horse is tied up, then it shows the need to be controlling in a relationship.Hmm, the horse wasn’t tied up it was trained to stay where is was. uhuh If the horse has a saddle then you feel safe with them.If the horse is free and not saddled, it means you view your lover as uncontrollable, unpredictable. Well since he’s imaginary who gives a flying fandango?

Storm:The storm represents some obstacle in your life.If the storm is passing, the issue is current with a resolution in the near future.If the storm is staying put, it has been an ongoing obstacle in your life with no resolution in sight.The size of the storm represents how big of an obstacle this is to you, as does the distance.The further away the storm the less importance you place on it.If the storm is violent it means this obstacle is causing quite some grief. The storm is just life, violent coming up fast and there’s no shelter from it.

Flower:The flower represents your children or desire to have children.The closer the flower is to the cube, the closer you feel to your children or the thought of having children.The more flowers the more kids you wish to have. I couldn’t understand WHY the flowers were there and when pressed I figured they were on a cactus. LOL who wants to tell my kids?

Meanings of Colors

You can ask just the basic questions or choose to go into more detail and ask about the colors of the cube, ladder, horse, storm, and flowers.Below is a list of colors and what each means.

Black: Black is the color of authority, elegance, sophistication, and seduction. Black can also imply submission such as a woman who is wearing black panties implies she wants the man to see her in her underwear. The fuck?

White: White symbolizes innocence and purity, which is why the wedding dress is white.Doctors wear a white coat to imply sterility and cleanliness.

Red: The color of dominance, power, and sexual energy, the color red attracts attention.It is also the color of love.

Blue: One of the most popular colors, blue represents knowledge, authority, and loyalty.Blue causes the body to produce calming chemicals so it is often used in bedrooms.The color blue shows loyalty.

Green: Green represents compassion, prosperity, money, and vitality.It is a relaxing color.Many TV studios have a “green room” for people to sit in to relax before they go on the air.

Yellow: Yellow is another attention getter. While it is considered an optimistic color, symbolizing enthusiasm and playfulness.The color yellow is very difficult for the human eye to take in and can be overpowering.

Purple: Purple is the color of royalty.It represents luxury, wealth, and sophistication. It is also feminine and romantic and rarely found in nature.

Brown: Old reliable brown.Brown shows stability.It is the color of earth and a favorite of most men. Brown horse…a stable lover. Again all in my imagination! 

 

LifeboatTynePainting

Imagine, if you will, that you are in a lifeboat with many other people. The boat is slowly filling with water and you are furiously bailing the water out of the vessel. You notice that it makes no difference how frequently or ferociously you bail, the water level is always the same and you fear that if you stop to rest the boat will capsize. That is when you look around to see that for every bucket you throw out of the boat someone else on board scoops up and pours back into the boat.
That is my life.
I know many of you are in the same boat, as it were and I can offer no other words of encouragement than; out there in the dark waters, drifting aimlessly and trying to keep people alive is someone just like you and all they want if for someone to occasionally throw a bucket of water away!

What ever happened to “reciprocation”?

What ever happened to the kind and selfless act of giving your time to someone you care about especially if they’ve shown you the same kindness?

I’m certain that some of you are saying that just because someone is giving you something  it doesn’t mean you have to give them something in return but isn’t it polite to at least acknowledge that gift with appreciation, a kind “thank you” and the unspoken promise that someday the gift will be returned?

We seem to live in a world where people expect others to give their “gift” but only return it when it serves our needs.

It’s true when I give of my time or my self I do not expect it in return but there is a part of me that knows that those who really care will, without question, reciprocate in kind in some way. It’s part of being in healthy relationships.

AH there’s the rub, isn’t it? The “Healthy” part. There is or there should be a constant give and take in relationships, whether romantic or not, and yet from my experience many people seem to be takers only.  Giving only when it’s beneficial to themselves.

I think the correct term for people like this is “narcissist” though I can’t be certain. What I am certain of is that narcissism is a personality disorder and something we shouldn’t aspire to and yet it seems so many people do.

I can’t control other people, though let’s be honest if the people in my life would just listen to everything I say my life would be far less stressful and I’m sure everyone reading this can identify; I can only control my actions and it’s in my nature to reciprocate, sometimes to a fault but that’s my issue and I deal with it. But I’d much rather be known as a generous person to all than stingy.

Because it’s very close to that time of year a quote from the very excellent Charles Dickens,

“”It is required of every manthat the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellowmen, and travel far and wide; and if that spirit goes not forth in life, it is condemned to do so after death.”

just, saying.

While perusing my newsfeed this morning I came upon a charming article entitled “A 7 step Morning Ritual to create a balanced and Healthy Life”. I’ve always been enthralled with the concept of rituals though I doubt I have any. I think the actions I take daily are more about habit than anything else so I read the article thinking that maybe I could incorporate a few “rituals” into my morning habits.

The first ritual was a 3 minute stretch followed by 3 minutes of hydration and I was OK, not that I would undertake these “rituals” but I thought that maybe they were on to something and then it came to drinking an “Immune boosting elixir”. The only elixir I’m familiar with is Pirelli’s Miracle Elixir and that really didn’t do Mr. Pirelli any good so the entire article sort lost me at that point.

However it did get me to thinking; maybe my actions weren’t habits maybe they were, in fact rituals so I decided to list them:

Awaken by slamming doors -1 second. I’m not sure what it is about Irish Americans but we sure do love to slam a door.

Pain Assessment 3+ minutes-basically trying to figure out what is hurting and if it is cause for alarm.

T-Rex walk to bathroom 30 seconds unless it took longer to discover what was paining me then 10 seconds and T-rex runs.

Stumble around living room cleaning up the detritus my children have left overnight including but not limited to paper plates, utensils, carving knives, used paper towels, wet bathmats 20+ minutes

Brew a restorative mug of coffee 20+ minutes. Yes 20 minutes to find a mug, wash the mug then try to remember where I put the coffee, then recall I put it back where it belongs but someone moved it because…well just because.

Pick out an outfit to wear to class  by picking up clothes strewn upon the floor. 1-5 minutes depending on the day of the week.

I’ve decided that whether you call them rituals or habits neither is going to give me a balance life.

You know that moment when you think you know a person and then they say or do something and you realize that you didn’t know them at all? I hate that moment, I really do. It’s rarely a good thing, it’s rare that you realize that someone is even better than you thought them to be. It’s almost always something awful. Hey, I know people are not perfect, I sure know that I’m not perfect and I hope to god no one thinks I am. I think I am “balls out” with my flaws. I’m very much, “this is me, this is who I am”. It’s not that I’m super confident that people will like me the way I am nor is it that I don’t care if people like me or not because I do like to be liked. It’s because being open an honest is easier than trying to hide. It’s like lying, I’d rather tell the truth because I never have to remember the lie.  I am who I am all the time because well, I’m too lazy to do otherwise. However there are so many people who hide their truths; they hide their racism, they hide their meanness, they hide their self-centeredness, they hide their disloyalty or rather try to hide it because like with every disease it eventually presents itself.  It would be nice if people’s awful character traits we easily identifiable like a tattoo on your forehead that said “Bigot” or maybe a QR code embedded on your arm. Of course there is the option of just being who your are and then allow people to like you that way or run away from you because you’re just not a good person. Yeah, that moment you discover that someone you care about isn’t who they’ve been saying they were sucks donkey doo-doo.

16 years ago today at nearly this very hour I was teaching ballet. I know because tomorrow is my daughter’s 16th birthday and I taught the day I was scheduled to deliver.

I still have the ballet skirt I wore when I was pregnant with her and I remember wearing it one day and saying to her father, “Wow, with this skirt on you can barely tell that I pregnant!” and him saying as deadpan as ever, “Yeah you can.”

Which brings me to the subject of this blog; I’ve lost the sharer of so many memories and today is one of those times where the loss is very strong.

Tomorrow we will sing and eat cake and I will share the story of my youngest’s birth with her and her sister all the while thinking that their father should be here correcting me, corroborating and laughing that raspy laugh of his when I recall the part where I cursed so loudly and strongly the nurses pleaded with me to stop because I was scaring the other mothers.

While the physical loss is hard for all of us the emotional connection we lost, the emotional connection I lost is the hardest to bear.

I am fully aware of my situation, of my “lot” in life and it neither bothers nor scares me but it does seem to terrify other people. My “It’s nice to dream about but I know I’ll never…” is almost always met with “Don’t say that! You never know!” but the thing is, I do know. I know my past and I can clearly see what the future most likely has in store for me and I don’t mind it at all, I accept it. I don’t mind that I will mostly likely never see Greece or France or any part of Europe, I don’t even get wistful.  Sure I like to look at photos and fantasize but I know I live a small, humble life and I’m fine with it. It’s really all I know.

Oh I can hear you now, “But you have to dream BIG!” But the term “Big” is all relative. Where I am situated “dreaming big” is dreaming of a bathtub that drains swiftly or a car that hasn’t had 17 other owners.  I do have dreams but they’re dreams that one has when one leads a simple life. They’re simple dreams and that is the way it is. I am ambitious but my ambitions are within my parameters. (or perimeters, I never remember)

I find that this attitude, this acquiescence scares the shit out of some people and some people actually get angry at me. I’d like to think it’s because they care for me to such a degree that they want me to “shoot for the stars” as it were. But there’s a very big part of me that just thinks that they’re terrified that they’ve been handed a line “If you can dream it, you can achieve it!” so EVERYONE must believe and DREAM BIG or no one can every achieve their dreams.  Sometimes I think some people are so unhappy, unsatisfied with what they’ve got in life the only way to make themselves “happy” is to keep dreaming. The only think I do know is; accepting with an open heart is relatively stress free.

Instead of toiling away under the illusion that I will make it to say, Santorini Greece or own a brand new car I’m appreciating what my modest life brings me; a car that transports me safely, a roof over my head, people who care about me, a full bottle of sriracha, a job that lets me create all day long.  Before you get up in arms I’m not saying that “Big Dreamers” do not appreciate what they’re given in life it’s just that sometimes when you live a small life the small gains mean more than you might think.